Hope for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.

woke up kinda late today, especially for a babysitting day. fuck, im hella tired. i know ima get paid gooood tho, lols. thats really all that matters. work hard, & get paid later.

listened to sad songs :( got me thinking about alot of things. gahdamn, there must be something seriously wrong with me. cos its always me crying at the end of a relationship. & trust me, i hurt haaaaaard, like no other female. can't eat, can't sleep, can't really function as well as i used to. the heartache is truly unbearable, but i hella expected it. man, shit sucks.

since day one, i knew he was the one for me. regardless what people say, in my heart i know it was him that i wanted to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life. it hurts that he lost his feelings for me, but hey, im the type that has faith until i have nothing left to give. sometimes i wake up, feeling fine. but the moment i realize what has happened, i automatically hurt some more. the pain never goes away, no matter how much i try to hide it. i wanna believe that things will get better sooon, but i know its not.

what we had was truly amazing, he made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, & those who knew me long enough, knows that i never thought of myself as pretty, beautiful, etc. the day he asked me out, it was like God finally answered my prayers. the guy i crushed on for a year, asked me out. & for a long time, i knew he wouldn't leave. i finally found someone sincere enough to tell me the truth, to never lie to me. someone who just wanted me, for me. yes, we had our bad times, & i do take the blame for alot of it. but if anything, they were said out of anger & i could never take them back.

every waking moment, i miss him. looking back, i would have never see this coming. i do blame myself for losing a guy like him. remembering all of our memories hurts, & seeing him moved on hurts even worse. i've learned that you can't change someones feelings for you, & you do have to learn to accept where life takes you.

i will always believe that he will be the one i wanna spend the rest of my life with, even if he doesn't feel the same. i love him so much, i really do.
im still praying.

peace easy<3

March 5, 2008 - this isn't easy at all, & i honestly can't cope with it.