senior checkout.

holy crap. its getting more real.

only two weeks left! ]:
chapters almost done.


daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

hmm.

i've been thinking way too much lately, & its not healthy. some shit, my hearts too big.


i've learned all good things come to an end, so even better things can happen. as excited as i am to get the fuuck outta highschool shit & move on with my life, i dont want it to end.


this week is turning out to be a bit rocky, & i dont like it. i need to get the fuck over the bullshit & open my eyes wider.


hm, im confused. FML.

fastlane.

stressed out!

AP tests, prom, graduation, work, school!

FML! haha, not really, just saaaying. mhm, as much as i want to be over with, its coming up quick!

broke as fuuuuuuuh now. extremely dessatisfied with my current income, lol. currently looking for a double, better paying job. ugh!


soooo many things to do, damnit. job hunting season again, im ready [;

alohaaaa!

mhm, pretty slow day today. school, work, home. a little boring! haha. took the longest most uncomfrortable nap, ever.

soooooo, daddys leaving for a few weeks, or days? idk. alllls i know, is that im gonnna have fun [;

odd days tomorrow! hooooh buddy, love em. planning on dressing cute as fck! bought a new shirt thingy, in plaid of course [: debating whether i should paint my nails black too, hm.

alot of stuff going on tomorrow, so cant really waste any time.

i needa go do homework, mahalo!

happy 420.

cloud nine right about now.
SIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!

haha, not my kindaa fun. mhm, anywho, shopped today. really tired.

happy nonetheless.

[& it knocks you down, just get back up, when it knocks you down]

knocks you down.

mhm, helllllllllller! haven't updated this thing in forever. ketchuuup time! [:

well, things have been AMAZING for the past few months. enjoying life never felt sooo good [: the only things i've been stressing about is prom & school. ugh! im getting white hairs from stressing too much, lol. keeping busy has been suchaa positive thing [:

& i just recently became a twitterer, or however you say it.

mhm, time has gone by soooo fast! its crazy. im happier than ive ever been in awhile & its great! haha, i cant believe im gonna graduate & go to college to pursue my nursing career. im scared outta my mind, & im not prepared at all, but i feel ready.

im ready to close the high school chapter of my life & start fresh. new people, new experiences, new drama, new memories, new EVERYTHING.

a month is left. let the countdown begin.

PEEEASH! <3

never better.

crazy ass weekend! had alot of fun tho.

two months left. & looking back at it? golly, what a fucking year.
it's almost over! i can't wait.
however, i just don't want it to end ]:

one year later.

oh woooow dude. it's been one year later, & look where we are now. hm, months ago i woulda pictured us together, happpy & celebrating.

mhm, ya' know what tho? it's alll good. im happy, he's happy. thats it! at this point of my life, i couldn't be happier [: it woulda been nice if we stayed at least close friends, but hey! it is what it is. my life is going by sooo fast, & its hard to keep up with it all.

i love my life, & im sooo grateful to have the friends & family that i do. i wake up smiling, i spend my days laughing, & i fall asleep happy. what more could i ask for?

life is way too short to stay occupied on all the nonsense. im enjoying everything while i can, & i know in the end it'll all be worth it [:

march 5, 2009 - i know you'll never read this, but i'm glad you're happy [: happy anniversary to us, it's been a hell of a year [;

ameeeen.

i looove my life.
seriously.

hallelujaaah, &amen [:
<3

sick'ning.

haha, bigego.

mhm, tired as fuck. supeeeer sick.
i want to get outta this house.
but i can't? ugh.

i need major rest.
looking forward to a fresh week,
& this weekend.

keeping busy, staying busy.
the way i like it [:

breaking the silence,
but keeping the peace.
ya' feeeel me?

tired of the kiddy shit.
im growing up, & get the fuck outta my way.

keep up with me.

frustration.

why the fuck does it still hurt?





i need rest, pronto.
senior year needs to hurry up.

makes no sense.

but i definitely needed that.

finally, the closure i've been longing for [:
the final slap in the face,
& now, im greeeeeat!

no excuses anymore.
taking responsibility for my own actions.
my skin just got a little bit thicker.

mhm, enjoy your life darlings!
seriously. stop wasting time on bullshit.
wake up each day smiling, no matter what the circumstance.
be happy, stay happy.

i've wasted too much time on this dilemma.
& i've seen / felt the unimaginable.
looking where i am now,
i'm living proof that we don't know where life will take us.

staying classy, loving every moment.
good, bad, whatever.
I RISE ABOVE [:

& i ain't looking down,
but i see no one above me.

- laaaates. [mellissjoy]

life

is fucking greeeeeat [:

learn to appreciate the finer things in your life,
cos the best feeling in the world is to fall asleep smiling [:
- mellissa joy

mhm! throat is killing me, but my loves make my feel muuuch better. i wanna knock out, but homework to finish.

ugh, buuusy as hell.
but i like it [;

relapse.

im sooo tired. & i never update this as much anymore! haha. i remember when i used to just rush my ass home just so i could vent out my feelings on this suckaa, buhaha. currently watching holes & doing my laundry. thank goodness! i've been running low on clothes, lol. & my uniform needed to be washed, pronto! sundays are boring, but very productive. planning on cleaning my room, since i got distracted yesterday when i was supposed to clean it. i needa finish some homework aswell, been kindaa lagging in that department.

hopefully i get paid this week! i really wanna get my car up & running again. sharing cars with my mommy sucks, especially when i always have to give it back by like 3, lol. all i need is a new battery & get back my license plates & im gooood to go! so give me a month or two, i'll be riding my baby back in no time [:

mhm, i work on tuesday & thursday this week. my manager is starting to give me more hours! thaaank goodness [: he needs to start letting me & angee work together, cos we can get shit done! haha. tomorrows an odd day, yaaay! i began to love odd days again. ignore the fact that i dreaded it for months, but now shit dont even phase me anymore. yaaay, good for me, lol.

& golllly! im fat dude. i needa loose weight for prom. & ms. angee is gonna make my dress for me! holllllla, gonna be wearing an orignal. uhm, ill update again later. i gotta hang my clothes & take a quick nap.

laaaates.

it is what it is.

woaah, so haven't updated this thing in forevaaa. so, this weekend was pretty crazy, haven't experienced overwhelming emotions in awhile.

hm, things shure have changed now that its been a whole three months later. i've grown up & seen things in a different perspective. i've been smiling a whole lot more & making things right with myself. however, it takes one bad moment to let my past come & bite me in my ass. someone who i never thought would hurt me so bad, did & it hurt like fucking hell. & its truly unbelieveable. people change, i understand that. but to completely push me away & now all this? geeeeeez. i know it wasn't exactly you who did it, but it hurt so fucking bad, really bad. i thought you would always have my back...

my heart has experienced way too much torment, more than it should be able to handle. God wants me to be happy, but he keeps testing me! shooot, i take five steps forward & bullshit knocks me three steps back. un-fucking-believable. i watch myself grow more & more everyday, & i try so hard to let my past not get to me.

ugh, its crazy how quickly someone can break their promise, making me feel inferior to what i thought was real. like really, was i that gullible to believe ANYTHING? what the fuck am i suppose to feel now. i've been disrespected, hurt, fucked over, & i get nothing. I DONT FUCKING DESERVE THE BULLSHIT.

i've kept to myself, stayed behind my own lines, & stuck to my priorites. & yet i get dragged back into a situation that i dont belong in. all i can really do now is push forward, & prepare for another slap in the face.

it is what it is. people change, & i can finally accept that. 'sorry' just doesn't cut it anymore. promises mean nothing these days, & i gotta accept that too. i trust no one [except chosen few] & my walls are up. fuck letting anyone in anymore. prepare for battle, cos its gonna take a helluva lot to knock these walls down.

done.

twelve types of girls.

credited to http://maryxbaby.blogspot.com/
truuuuue shit.


1. Ms. Gold Digger
+ Advantages
a. You have some one to manage your money.
b. She always looks good.
c. She makes your other niggas jealous.
d. She makes you look good.

- Disadvantages
a. When you get broke she'll be gone and take what you have left.
b. She makes sure she has a child by you to sue you for child support.
c. Once your nigga comes up she'll be on his arm the next day.

2. Ms. Freak
+ Advantages
a. She knows all the right positions.
b. She'll try everything more than once.
c. You're never unsatisfied.
d. She'll do all the things your girl won't do.
e. She doesn't mind being your freak, as long as she catches one too.

- Disadvantages
a. Eventually, b/c she's a female, she'll end up catching feelings.
b. She starts to act like she's your "main".
c. She fucks wit ya boy and act like you in the wrong for telling her that she's a freak.
d. Eventually her shit gets old. And you need a replacement.


3. Ms. Independent
+ Advantages
a. You don't have to worry about buying her anything. She got it.
b. She's intelligent, sassy, confident and determined.
c. She's great for (business) conversation.
d. She keeps it real and has goals.
e. She knows how to please a man.

- Disadvantages
a. She will continuously let you know, that she can handle it on her own.
b. She will eventually say fuck you and get a dildo.
c. She will consider you another one her play toys, or goals.

4. Ms. Dime
+ Advantages
a. She's top of the line.
b. She stays looking like a fantasy.
c. She has the body of a goddess with the face to match.
d. She considers herself a "model"
e. Gets you on hard whenever you see her.
f. All the girls envy her, but she doesn't care.

- Disadvantages
a. She's superficial. She cares only about her looks.
b. She honestly lacks confidence and will annoy you about the way she looks.
c. She's probably dumb as hell and if she's not her personality is dry.
d. You have to constantly keep your game up b/c every nigga is gonna try to get her.

5. Ms. Tomboy
+ Advantages
a. She's cool and laid back.
b. She'll be willing to play rough with you.
c. Of course, she loves sports.
d. Her body is athletically divine.
e. She's easy to talk to and fun to be around.
f. She's a diamond in the rough.

- Disadvantages
a. She'll remind you too much of your nigga.
b. She might not want to change her appearance.
c. She might actually beat you in basketball, football and track.

6. Ms. Ghetto
+ Advantages
a. She's not afraid of any other female or male. She will fight to keep you.
b. She's down for you. She'll be there to bail you out of jail.
c. She's always stays fresh.
d. She can cook up a storm. She can make the best out of a bad situation.
e. She keeps it real and keeps you satisfied.

- Disadvantages
a. She doesn't know how to act in public.
b. Your mama can't stand her.
c. You get into with her every other second.
d. She's willing to fight another girl looking at you or her PERIOD.
e. Her weave colors are distracting and her vocabulary is minimal.

7. Ms. Good Girl
+ Advantages
a. She's always there for you.
b. She's intelligent, classy, kind, sweet and cool.
c. Your mother loves her.
d. You can see yourself falling in love with her.
e. You are her first everything.
f. She makes you feel like a man.

- Disadvantages
a. She's an A or B situation either:
A. You're not gonna get any until ya'll are married or
B. She said she's never done or she said she's never tried it, she's sitting there telling a muthafuckin' lie.

8. Ms. Main
+ Advantages
a. She is the one you respect.
b. She probably may know about the others but might not care.
c. She has all the qualities you want in a female.
d. You've been with her forever.

- Disadvantages
a. She starts getting very suspicious and calls you every moment.
b. She will devise a plan to catch you in your act and then kick your ass


9. Ms. Psycho
+ Advantages
a. She's fun and spontaneous.
b. She's down to earth.
c. She loves you unconditionally.
d. Everything about her is too good to be true. So everyone loves her.
e. She makes you feel loved.

- Disadvantages
a. Don't you break up with her. She will stalk your ass.
b. She keeps pictures of you everywhere and knows everything about you.
c. She can manipulate the hell out of you.
d. She will consider herself wifey even if she may just be that chick on the side.
e. Fuckin' with her can make your life a living hell.

10. Ms. "I-have-a-man"
+ Advantages
a. She may have a man but she'll mess with you anyway.
b. She looks good.
c. You have an intense night of passion with her.

- Disadvantages
a. She'll always come crying to you about the problems with her man.
b. She'll get you caught up and then leave you anyway for her man.
c. If you piss her off she'll get her man to come beat your ass.
d. She'll unofficially make you her man once she gets pissed off at her real man.

11. Ms. Tease
+ Advantages
a. She's tempting and a nice piece of eye candy.
b. She's intelligent, athletic, respectable and SEXXXXXXY.
c. She knows how to turn you on without touching you.
d. Everything she does is just so sensual.
e. She can bring you to that point and make you wait to get it.
f. Every time you see her you catch a mini orgasm.
g. Every nigga wants her b/c she's so mysterious and that makes you want to get her first.

- Disadvantages
a. NO matter what you think or do you never get it.
b. She probably has a long distance boyfriend somewhere that you will never know about.
c. She gets you hard and leaves you like that. (Unbearable)

12. Ms. Right
+ Advantages
a. She is not sexy, fine, or a dime. She is beautiful and therefore encompasses all of these descriptions.
b. She is intelligent, sassy, funny, outgoing, determined, strong and classy.
c. She can cook or at least order a meal that is just like your mother's.
d. Her personality is just as beautiful as her body.
e. She believes in God and follows his virtues.
f. She knows that a relationship requires a 200% quota yet she gives her man an extra 10%.
g. She can please her man in anyway. Mentally, Spiritually, and Sexually.
h. She makes you recognize your full potential as a man and completes you.
i. She's always there for you no matter what, anytime any day any reason.
j. She's not afraid to tell you the truth and set you straight.
k. You can talk to her and confide in her, she's your best friend.
l. You love being around her more than your boys.
m. You can share your most intimate moments with her without sex.
n. You can have a bad argument with her and have the BEST mind numbing and passionate love making fest ever.
o. She's always willing to find a way to work out your problems and will often put up with most of your shit. But she's also intelligent enough to leave.
p. She's nothing like any other girl you've met. She's your woman.

- Disadvantage
a. You've probably met her, or had her in your life but got too consumed with all the other types that you let her go.

lagging!

mhm, so i finally update this bitch! hah! hella busy this week -__- cramming for everything & babysitting / dogsitting.

regardless of all the stress, the smile on my face just won't go away :) i've been living life the best i can, & im loving it! i love my wife :) she truly is my everything! BELIEVE IT BIATCCCCH! ;) no nigga can ever compare to her, she'd done more for me than anyone could ever imagine. i miss her alooooot tho!

but yeeeah, things have been going pretty smoothly for me in two-thousand&nine! nothing can really bring me down. im keeping positive, holding my head up, & making shure i accomplish the best along the way.

striving for bigger & better things, ya' diggg? fuck the past, real talk. i aint complaining no more, there isn't nothing to complain about. what's done is done, & im still here with this big ass smile on my face.

God has enlightened my life, & im glad im getting closer to him. He would never give me a task that i couldn't handle <3

first blog of two-thousand&nine.

oh-em-geeeeeee. it is FINALLY 2009.

ever since i moved out here in vegas, i always asked myself 'when the fuck am i gonna graduate?' haha! & now its finally here. oh gosh, im so scared, yet extremely excited for what awaits me in my future. i have never felt so happy in my life.

i finally feel happy for what i have & it took me awhile to truly see whats been put in front of me. i have no idea why i was so blind to so many things in life. i have the most amazing people in my life, & for those who walked out on me, your loss. i can already tell that 2009 will be my year, & ima make the most of it. it's stressful cos i have college to worry about & actually getting my first real job, but i know ima be just fine. im finally growing up, & ima definitely show it. i've been misunderstood for awhile & ima prove to those who doubt me to never underestimate me.

wooooow. i just am completely shocked that im actually growing up. it finally hit me. lol.

mhm, as long as i keep going at this steady pace, keep having fun, not associate myself with immature bullshit/drama, ill be fine :)

im currently single & for the first time im very happy with it :) i know now that im not ready to be held down until i find someone who can ride for me, no matter what. im reallly young & i have alot of time to find mr. right. as for now, ima focus on me & make shure i commit to myself first. if theres a guy out there who thinks he can handle me, feel free to try ;) hah, jk.

real talk tho, mellissa joy is growing up. & ya'll won't stop me from living my life.

<3

P.S. wife i hellllla missed you too! :) man, i love you! thank yoou for spending the new year with me<3