it is what it is.

woaah, so haven't updated this thing in forevaaa. so, this weekend was pretty crazy, haven't experienced overwhelming emotions in awhile.

hm, things shure have changed now that its been a whole three months later. i've grown up & seen things in a different perspective. i've been smiling a whole lot more & making things right with myself. however, it takes one bad moment to let my past come & bite me in my ass. someone who i never thought would hurt me so bad, did & it hurt like fucking hell. & its truly unbelieveable. people change, i understand that. but to completely push me away & now all this? geeeeeez. i know it wasn't exactly you who did it, but it hurt so fucking bad, really bad. i thought you would always have my back...

my heart has experienced way too much torment, more than it should be able to handle. God wants me to be happy, but he keeps testing me! shooot, i take five steps forward & bullshit knocks me three steps back. un-fucking-believable. i watch myself grow more & more everyday, & i try so hard to let my past not get to me.

ugh, its crazy how quickly someone can break their promise, making me feel inferior to what i thought was real. like really, was i that gullible to believe ANYTHING? what the fuck am i suppose to feel now. i've been disrespected, hurt, fucked over, & i get nothing. I DONT FUCKING DESERVE THE BULLSHIT.

i've kept to myself, stayed behind my own lines, & stuck to my priorites. & yet i get dragged back into a situation that i dont belong in. all i can really do now is push forward, & prepare for another slap in the face.

it is what it is. people change, & i can finally accept that. 'sorry' just doesn't cut it anymore. promises mean nothing these days, & i gotta accept that too. i trust no one [except chosen few] & my walls are up. fuck letting anyone in anymore. prepare for battle, cos its gonna take a helluva lot to knock these walls down.

done.